Julianna Newland wants to know…

Does your boss come to your house and use your oven or your hair dryer?

Does your boss lie on your couch and watch TV?

No.

Then why, Newland wonders, do you think it’s cool for you to use company equipment for your personal use? Watching sitcoms on the business computer, trolling, or playing electronic poker.

Company equipment is for business, she points out.

“Play it safe. Remember, the IT guys can access your hard drive (and do it regularly), and the company computers are hacked by the Russians weekly,” Newland wrote in her first book, “All Up In Your Bizness: Managing Your Business Crap.”

“You never know who is watching you, reading your emails, and laughing uncontrollably,” the book says.

No, really.

But also, comically speaking.

That’s the goal. Newland wants you to think about work, the workplace, your experiences – and then chuckle.

“All Up In Your Bizness” is billed as a “tongue-in-cheek” look at the well-known elements of professional life and paired with craft cocktail recipes from the mixologists of Ambrosia in Indianapolis. The book was published in August by Fulton Books.

After graduating from the University of Indianapolis, Newland worked for a Fortune 500 company, in state government, at nonprofits and at a trade association.

With more than 30 years in various workplaces, Newland said she saw “hilarious shenanigans” of men and women and “processes and programs that often befuddled us.”

A sample excerpt from her book takes a look, or it could be a jab, at the concept of team. New hires often hear that; maybe even the phrase “family” when it comes to colleagues.

Don’t believe it, Newland advises – even after you “swallow your anti-anxiety pills and take off your shoes.”

Initially, new hires might regularly be greeted with “Hello” and offers of help, leading them to believe there is no pecking order and they truly are part of a team, the company family.

But a new reality arises within about two months, and there is “a pecking order where you are a ‘peckee,’ not a pecker,” Newland said in the book. “I advise staying on the down-low, keeping your mouth shut, and bringing in some baked goods.”

Newland has loved writing since her college days, spending two years as editor of the University of Indianapolis newspaper. Her various jobs, including as a public affairs manager and lobbyist for Eli Lilly & Co. and as a policy and strategic issues management analyst within the electricity industry, have always had a strong writing component.

During a telephone interview this month, Newland said she often took notes during her workplace journey, knowing some of the experiences she was jotting down could be good reading once she retired.

“The book is not intended to be a business textbook or anything like that,” said Newland, who is planning some podcasts in 2024 and has been busy marketing her work. One of her most recent book signing events was Dec. 16 for Indy Reads, with proceeds going toward the organization’s adult literacy programming.

Chapters in “All Up In Your Bizness” include “Going for Gold: Parking Spaces”; “Elevator Protocols”; “The Good Old Boys Clubs”; “Exclamation Points”; “Asking for a Pay Raise”; and “The Kiss-Ups.”

“There were just too many funny things that I didn’t want to let pass,” Newland said. “It’s tongue-in-cheek. It’s sassy.”

But along with the scenarios that might make readers smile, Newland said she also offers some advice, such as tips for employees preparing for job interviews and performance reviews. One chapter is on the value of mentors.

Still, the lighthearted nature prevails.

“I think there are some things I think we can do,” Newland said, “to provide a little levity in our jobs and not drive ourselves bonkers by taking (them) too seriously.”

To share a thought, a favorite quote or other wisdom about leadership, email Lisa Green at [email protected]. 
Lead On also appears online as a blog at www.journalgazette.net.